Facial Redness
I know very well what facial redness can be like. Ever since I was a kid, since I was about 11 years old, I used to turn red whenever I laughed, exercised, felt embarrassed, got angry, and sometimes for no apparant reason at all. People used to call me “tomato head” back then. At first, it wasn’t really annoying me, because it happened mostly when I was laughing and having a good time.
But the more my facial redness appeared when I was embarrassed, the more annoying it got. You see, everybody is sometimes a little bit embarrassed about something during the teenage years – but most people are able to “cover it up” and “play cool”. Not me. Even the slightest bit of embarrassment or shame, it would show up immediately. There was a big, bright, red “shame-alarm” sitting on my neck: my “tomato head”-face. And when you are a little bit embarrassed, and then other people notice that you are embarrassed, and then comment about it or make jokes about it – that’s the fastest way to MULTIPLY your embarrassment. So even things that were just a little bit embarrassing to me actually turned out to become hugely embarrassing to me. And I started to feel more and more socially uneasy, and became more and more shy.
There was a guy in my class who sometimes used to simply look me in the eye and say “PENIS!” or another silly word – and swush, there he was again, the tomato head. Of course, this was very amusing to the rest of the class – including the girls. It wasn’t that I thought a word like penis is embarrassing – it was just that I was being put on the spot and being made fun of. But over time, the words themselves actually got embarrassing. I hated it.
Somehow, later in life I learned to accept it and just live with it. When people said: “geez, you’re turning all red! Are you ok?”, I simply replied: “Yeah, I don’t know what’s up with that either, but it has always been that way. Never mind it, you’ll get used to it too when you hang out with me more often.” Secretly, I hoped that a cooler attitude would also help me to lessen my facial redness. But that wasn’t the case.
In my mid twenties, I started to notice that my skin changed a bit – my cheaks and my forehead had a slightly red hue constantly – even when I wasn’t blushing. It was not the tomato-colored, intense redness I experienced when I was ashamed, but a much subtler skin tone. But it was there nonetheless, and it didn’t go away. Some days it was more obvious than others. And I didn’t like that. I actually really noticed it first when looking at photos of me.
Later I learned that blushing can actually lead to a condition that is called rosacae – a disease that can lead to some “real” problems (not “just” embarrassment). Problems like diminished eyesight, enlarged blood vessels and so on. This is probably due to the repeated dilation of the blood vessels, which can later lead to small red lines on the face. The skin also often becomes more sensitive, and some people are even unable to use normal lotions, creams and soaps because of this increased sensitivity.
And that’s when I decided to do something about my facial redness. And that’s what I want to share on this website.